The night before Christmas

In 1997, I went as a sail trainee on a two-month voyage on a tall ship in the Caribbean. The bosun's mate on that voyage was a lovely girl called Emily Taylor, who was kind enough to share this poem with me. I found it on my hard disk recently while looking for something else, and thought I would share it with you all, because it definitely deserves wider circulation.


This poem is by Steve Turner, and appears in his (out of print) Up To Date anthology (Hodder and Stoughton), although I first discovered it in Ravi Zacharias' excellent book, Can Man Live Without God.
It is reproduced with permission.

We believe in Marxfreudanddarwin.
We believe everything is OK
as long as you don't hurt anyone,
to the best definition of hurt,
and to the best of your knowledge.

We believe in sex before, during and after marriage.
We believe in the therapy of sin.
We believe that adultery is fun.
We believe that sodomy's OK.
We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything's getting better,
despite evidence to the contrary.
The evidence must be investigated
And you can prove anything with evidence.

We believe that there's something in horoscopes,
UFO's and bent spoons;
Jesus was a good man just like Buddha,
Mohammed and ourselves.
He was a good moral teacher although we think
His good morals were bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same --
at least the one that we read was.
They all believe in love and goodness.
They only differ on matters of creation,
sin, heaven, hell, God, and salvation.

We believe that after death comes the Nothing
Because when you ask the dead what happens
they say nothing.
If death is not the end, if the dead have lied, then it's compulsory heaven for all
excepting perhaps
Hitler, Stalin and Genghis Khan.

We belive in Masters and Johnson.
What's selected is average.
What's average is normal.
What's normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament.
We believe there are direct links between warfare and bloodshed.
Americans should beat their guns into tractors
and the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good.
It's only his behavior that lets him down.
This is the fault of society.
Society is the fault of conditions.
Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth that is right for him.
Reality will adapt accordingly.
The universe will readjust.
History will alter.
We believe that there is no absolute truth
excepting the truth
that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds,
and the flowering of individual thought.


This isn't really mine - I pinched it from here and fixed it up a bit. I have a thing about proper rhyme and meter, and it bugged me. I'm not convinced of the artistic merit of the result, but there it is. The original author is unknown.

Did Jesus use a modem,
when preaching on the Mount?
Or fax the unbelievers
To get His message out?
Disciples take their pagers
When travelling round about?
Did Jesus use a modem,
when preaching on the Mount?

Did Paul acquire a laptop,
To send his letters from -
RSVP requested
To paul@rome.com?
Did the man from Macedonia,
Send email saying "Come?"
Did Paul acquire a laptop,
To send his letters from?

Did Moses use a mobile,
When parting the Red Sea?
A GPS receiver,
To show him where to be?
Inscribe the law on tablets,
Or burn them on CD?
Did Moses use a mobile,
When parting the Red Sea?

Did Jesus die to save us,
That day upon the tree?
Or was it holographic -
some techno-wizardry?
Can you download the MPEG
To play on your PC?
Did Jesus die to save us,
That day upon the tree?

Has innovation left you
Not knowing what is true?
How that poor, humble preacher
Could offer life anew?
How sinless life and cruel death
Then glorious life again,
Could offer more to our world
Than all the works of men?

If, in your life, the Lord's voice
Is sometimes hard to hear -
With other voices calling,
His doesn't touch your ear.
Then set aside your laptop,
And all your fancy gear,
And open up your Bible
To let your God draw near.

Original URL: http://www.gerv.net/index/poetry.html